Heres what i know about myself ( its long)

Sometimes in life you have to re assess, you have to go back and remind yourself of things, a lot of people on here haven't heard from me in quite some time so i figured it would be a good way of re introducing myself. If your family i'm sorry if anything is hurtful. i wasn't rude or laying blame just stating my thoughts on family and relationships and such. who know's maybe it will help.

Here is what I know about myself:
• I'm 22, Libra/Scorpio. Which is weird because I am a shameless flirt. I will flirt with ANYTHING and I do mean THING and then after I do I freak completely out “ OMG WHAT HAVE I JUST DONE!!!!!”
• I'm tall, extremely, uncomfortably tall and I’ve always hated it.
• I'm fat, and the only time I’m even put off by this is when I go shopping. Otherwise I'm not ashamed of my body, everyone else is.
• I have done most things in life because someone wanted me to, and then eventually I want to do them. Not the other way around.
• I put a hell of a lot of pressure on myself to do amazing things, because I feel like people expect WAAAAAY too much out of me and part of the reason i've never really done much in life is for fear of disappointing them when i don't achieve anything. It’s not really their fault, its mine but still…there it is.
• I am REALLY good at decorating.. like seriously, I am.
• I’m witty, in the good and bad way. It’s a double edged sword that one.
• I'm also very clever in my own way, I don’t think people give me enough credit for that.
• I’m fairly sure that people think im stupid
• I'm incredibly caring and nurturing.
• I’m good at knowing when I am to blame for things.
• I understand most things and catch on very quickly.
• I can not spell
• I can not hold a grudge, I’ve tried… it doesn’t work
• I'm good at not making other peoples problems and mistakes, mine. I wasn't always, but I am now
• I don’t know how to judge people for the choices they have made in their lives, especially ones that “effected” my life. I probably should, but I just don’t.
• I am NEVER bored. EVER. I’m might not be having fun, but I'm never ever ever bored.
• I think I'm a shitty artist
• I'm an average student that for some reason gets above average grades.I don’t think it has to do with my abilities I think I'm just lucky
• I don't know what to do when i don't have someone to fix.
• I can be selfish, but so can everyone else so i don't see it as a bad thing.
• I look in the mirror a lot and wonder who the hell is looking back at me.I haven't decided if that's because i have a different image of myself physically than what is real or if its because i don't recognize myself.
Here is what I know about myself ( Likes):
• my favorite color is purple. ask me any day " Kayla, what's your favorite color today " and i will say " purple." and i will always be down for chines food. ALWAYS
• My car is the best shitty car EVER
• I LOVE to read
• I like to write
• I love all kinds of music, and I mean all kinds… literally I just listened to Snowpatrol followed by Eryka Badu…so I'm not picky.
• I LOVE sleeping. Everyone always says that you shouldn’t sleep your day away. But I say that it’s a time when I get to do exactly what I want, what makes me happy, no one judges me for hat I do or say or don’t do or say and its freeing
• I love sitting in cemeteries at night and just thinking.
• I enjoy being quiet. If I’m ever quiet around you and you ask “ what are you thinking” it’s usually nothing.. or I'm wondering why you aren’t talking and if should say something. Wondering if I'm making you uncomfortable by not having anything to say.but generally I could sit in a room with someone that im close to , in complete silence and be perfectly content.
• I like the Disney Chanel.I just do.
• Vampires are fun, I will never grow out of them ever, because they are perfect, even though they always have baggage and are usually psychotic.
• I'm in love with textures.well, most of them, but in general I'm a texture freak.
• I like painting
• I love singing but it was my brothers dream and I didn’t want to take that from him.so I really only sing in the car.
• I love looking at old photos and remembering things.good or bad, either way they are my memories and they are my experiences. They made me who I am.
• I love animals with very few exceptions and I've often fantasized about moving to the dessert with a pack of wolfs and living like they do.i don’t think I could deal with the sunburn though
• I love to laugh and have been told that I have the best laugh ( kaity and mom ^_^ )
• I love, love.The idea, the experience, all of it.
• I like gardening, not in the digging holes and playing in the dirt seance, but in the “Oh look at that cute little herb/vegetable garden, that’s already been planted and tilled and all I have to do is pick things” way.
• I like furniture, strange huh? But yeah, couches, chairs.. and i also like restoring/building furniture
• I LOVE RESTORING/RE CREATING THINGS…. I don’t know why that’s in caps, but I think its because I REALLY like it
• I could make things out of other things for days….. chairs from boxes, lamps out of paper, jewelry out of trash, you name it.
• I love the water. I am calmest when in water.
• I like that I have more “likes” on my list that I have “no likes”

Here is what I know about myself ( no likes) :
• I don’t really like ice cream or chocolate.If there are boys reading this and trying to get me a gift, just buy me a steak and Lillis. I don’t like roses…. They are too kitschy
• I HATE the words succulent and decadent and luscious. I'm not sure why, it's got to do with the way it comes out of your mouth. It's like when you have too much pudding in your mouth and you start to gag, it's that panicky feeling like you're going to chock.... on pudding.
• I HATE getting my hands dirty, or my feet. Mud, sand, dirt... ESPECIALLY when it gets under my nails. Of course this doesn't count when I'm doing art..then I don’t really mind.unless it gets under my nails… that is a constant.
• I really hate birds. I don't know, in the wild there ok, but they make noise constantly even in the middle of the night, it pisses me off
• I don't like being wrong, and it's taken me a long time to even be able to admit my wrongness, let alone apologize.
• I cant stand things getting into my nose or my eyes.. freaks me out
• I HATE being talked over…. Its disrespectful and rude and just all kinds of wrong.I recently called my mom’s friend on her tendency to talk over me.
• I don’t like people in my house that I don’t know.
• I don’t like how distant our family is.
• I don’t like being hot, I don’t mind GETTING hot, running, working out etc… but I don’t like sitting down and just being hot.
• Don’t like when my nails, I don’t know, scratch? Against something and make a weird noise..or when I feel a texture I don’t like…just give me fake velvet one day and see what happens.::cringe:: fake velvet, gross
• I hate cleaning, but I can’t stand for the toilet bowl to be nasty.
• Other than that its just the usual, I don’t like stupid people, bad drivers, the way licra fits with you sweat.. you know, the basic dislikes.
Here is what I know about myself ( love) :
• I’ve had ONE serious relationship in my life and it taught me a few things, the most important being that love is something you don’t take lightly and saying NO to someone you think you are in love with and think is in love with you is both exceptionally difficult and necessary.
• I LOOOOVE cuddling, and kissing. I think that i could get by with never having sex ever again if i had someone to do those two things with. we could adopt.
• I love men that ask silly questions just to see how you will react.
• I want my future husband to be the kind of man that learns metal smithing so he can craft me my own, one of a kind wedding band and engagement ring.
• I also want a guy that knows me well enough to not NEED me with him to make /pick a ring that ill fall in love with.
• I CAN NOT keep extended eye contact because I'm scared to see who people really are, and that they might find some kind of flaw in me
• Kissing is sacred to me, more so than sex, it just is. even if its a peck or on the hand its sacred, the end.
• I want to be a mother more than anything in this world.
• I haven’t lost weight because I want a man that loves me for whats inside and not whats outside.
• I want the heart tearing, knee buckling forever kind of love and wont settle for anything less.
• I want to gross my future children out because my husband and I kiss in front of them.
• I want date nights, and car rides, flowers for no reason and I want to be able to do those things for him as well
• I want a man that like when I do little things for him, notes on his computer screen, his ties turned into origami hearts, a notebook filled with I love ( name) < ( id probably put “name” too.lol)
• I will not put up with a man that tells me “he has ‘put his foot down’ and he is the man of the house and he will make the decisions”… I might want him to make a decision or help me make one.. but ill not put up with “ I am man you are woman go have kids and cook” oh no sir.. I THINK NOT! It’s not sexy, its not appreciated.. it wont be put up with.
• I don’t tolerate cheaters, beaters or lairs. Those 3 are deal breakers. No couples counseling, not therapy you hurt me or my kids, you cheat on me or you lie about something BIG.. you’re OUT.
Here is what I know about myself ( family):
• I have 3 siblings that I don’t feel close to at all and I really hate that.
• Family is everything to me and friends are the people that you choose to make your family so friends are everything too.
• I have conflicting feelings about my brother,and considering i have 2 sisters and he's the only one i have feelings about, i think it says something about our relationship. weather its good or bad, i don't really know. But i've never been completely comfortable around him. I don’t think he likes me, or relates to me or wants to.(sorry logan)I don't even know my sisters and i don't think they want to know me either, and I'm envious of thier relationship together.i mostly feel like an only child.
• I have 4 nieces that I don’t know. It kills me that they don’t know who I am. It makes me feel like a bad relative, but I don’t know how to act around them, I don’t know what’s ok to say or do. If they act up do I yell at them? If I give them cheese burgers for dinner and let them stay up late are their mothers going to kill me? It all goes back to the previous statement.
• When ever there is a family event we put the stupid shit behind us and love each other, I think I'm the only one that feels uncomfortable, but none the less we love each other and I think its great.
• I think my family is the most tight knit, estranged family I’ve ever known.
• I live with my mom, not only because its more convenient, but because I want to. My brother didn’t move out till he was married and I honestly , until recently, don’t see the point. My mom and I are close and I figure if I'm going to get a house that shes going to be visiting me in all the time and visa verse whats the point?
• I didn’t meet my father till I was about 18, he is more like me and I like him than any two people, especially father and daughter, have the right to be. But I don’t feel like I know him very well. I guess that says something about me.
• I don’t think my step mother understands me, sometimes she looks at me like shes trying to figure me out. Its one of those “ what the hell is wrong with you” looks. I generally get up and leave when she gives me that look. Not that she knows shes doing it.
• It freaks me out when i have those moments where i see my mom as a person and not my mother. I don't know why, it just scares me.
• My mom and I are more like friends than mother and daughter, sometimes im not ok with it….most times I am.
Here is what I know about myself ( friends) :
• I love my friends, even when they don't talk to me for ages, or hang out with me, i still cant help but need them.
• Sometimes I wonder if they feel the same way.
• It hurts me when they don’t get along with each other and I struggle sometimes to spend time with them all.
• I know my friends better than I know myself.I think it’s easier to know someone else rather than yourself.
• My friends have been my support and my guide through my life without fail. Maybe not the same friend all the time but one or the other of them has always helped me out.
• Sometimes I feel like they don’t appreciate me.
• I am always afraid to tell them that last statement because I feel like it makes me seem selfish. It’s a conflicting thing.
• I don’t have many close friends
Here is what I know about myself ( faith/beliefs):
• I don't see things that go wrong as EVIL.
• I don't think that "the devil" is real. I think it's an energy that people push on themselves and each other.
• I believe in god. and Jesus, and Allah and Buddha and Isis and i don't think they were "made up" I think they have always been the same " person "with different names.
• I believe that the most important things in life are to love one another, be patient, be understanding and excepting, not to judge because its not your place, don’t hurt one another physically,mentally or other wise and try to be a good person. After that, I think its really a personal decision and it’s non of my, or anyone else's, business HOW/WHO someone worships.
• I believe in destiny but I think that you have a choice of which way to get to it.
• Life doesn’t happen to you, you happen to life
• I have NEVER felt welcome or an ease in church, no ones. I don’t care who says “ oh our church isn't like THOSE churches” Yes….yes they are.
Here is what I know about myself ( random):
• I want to teach because i like the idea that i can mold and influence young minds, and secretly i wish i could program them to do what i want them to do.How cool would an army of kids be? i mean come on.
• i make those silly quizzes on facebook, so i can see if anyone really knows me, mostly because i feel like no one does.
• Curtains are strange. The concept, especially now that blinds have been invented. think about it. a large swatch of decorative fabric that hangs AROUND your windows, with or without the motive of blocking light.And then when they get old and sun bleached people bitch about how beautiful they were until the EVIL sun ruined them. THAT'S THEIR JOB they are expendable.
• I think it's silly how people complain about things wearing out. " i just bought that thing 5 years ago" yeah well,, five years of use tends to break things down.
• I have conflicting ideas about drugs and alcohol.on the one hand BAD, they ruin lives and become crutches to the actual problem. On the other, Why not? if it helps you for a while and doesn't become a real issue then why not. and sometimes they really help. You cant get your feelings out, your shy and scared to open your mouth and be heard, take a shot and say it.i dunno
• i've never understood the appeal of scole ( however you spell it) spitting tobacco...ewwww.. who sees that and thinks " yeah there's a good idea" ?